Let’s talk about Mental Health

In the past 15 years I have been hospitalized 8 times. Not including 2 treatment centers, a detox center, 58 stitches and a rehab.

I am not ashamed of my past nor any mental illnesses that I still currently battle. I want you to know that you are not alone. Surround yourself with a healthy support group.

Out of all my dances with mental illness, dancing with addiction has been the scariest, the most secretive and the most destructive waltz. I lost my values, my identity and my sanity. I hit rock bottom at 100 miles an hour. I chose to get sober and get help. I am now just over 4 years clean from hard drugs. I was incredibly close to losing my life to this disease.

Yes i'm extreamly bipolar… I take pills to stop the extreme highs. I take pills to stop the extreme lows. I take pills to sleep and rely on lots of caffeine to stay awake. I take a pill for anxiety to help me function on a daily basis. I hate taking pills but I'm working towards being stable. End the stigma about taking medication that help you live a better quality of life.

I wake up to a terrifying voice in my ear every morning saying I will never be good enough and I will somehow screw up the day's events. Every mistake made throughout the day will be my fault and the whole world is out of get me. My anxiety is crippling and debilitating. Multiple panic attacks daily and throughout the night, a horrible self imagine and extreme paranoia creeps in. I shake so bad I can't hold a drink without spilling a drop. Doing my makeup or eyeliner is almost not doable anymore, and that's what brings me joy. I have to remember that I am good enough and I will be successful. I almost lost my life to this illness.

A bottomless pit of self loathing and self hatred, looking through fogged up glasses unable to see the good truly in front of me. Depression is a monster that sneaks up behind you and consumes you but it is hard to shake those very real feelings and emotions. Screaming in the middle of the road just for a friend or someone to listen, this illness makes you feel incredibly alone. I almost lost my life to this illness multiple times before I chose to get help.

My eating disorder didn't hit until after Highschool although I swear it's been festering for years before. I was in such a delusional state, spitting out every bit of food that entered my body complaining that double zeros were too big and angry that they didn't make a smaller size.Paranoid about food textures and refusing to eat nothing but the same thing for almost 5 years+. Terrified of anything I put in my body will make me physically sick. Fantasizing about feeding tubes and wearing kids clothes at 27. Comparing the size of my wrist to the size of my thighs.

I almost lost my life to this disorder twice before I chose to get help.

Seeing others share their experiences gives me the courage to do the same.

https://www.instagram.com/bronwyn.wonnacott/